I continue to push the boundaries, and not in a good way.  Drinking is becoming more than just a social activity for me.  I am not quite sure what it is, a release, the taste of a fine wine, whatever it may be I doubt it is healthy.  At least I am not as gone as most people, but for me… yeah.  

Sorry, I don’t make much sense.  I guess it is just good for me to get this out.  If anyone ever did find these they could provide insight or give me a piece of advice… yet I believe these postings are doomed to remain buried deep in cyberspace.  

Anyways, how about an update on my love life? Or lack thereof?  Well... there have been no new relationships but there is this one girl who it seems everyone in the world has a crush on, including my roommate.  My future priest friend even thinks she is really attractive.  Can I pick them or what?  Anyways, I think it is fairly obvious to her that I like her, and my fellow roommate knows. 

I guess I will take this story back several weeks to a bar where we all were.  My crush was there and we were talking, no advances either way though.  Then my roomie comes in, hella drunk, and starts feeling her.  Not sure if she enjoyed it, but I was jealous and I knew that I could hookup with this cheerleader who was there with us.  I wanted to make my crush jealous.  The cheerleader and I ended up in bed making out and cuddling quite a bit.  Yeah… that evening went just like planned… 

It was just a onetime thing, and I really did need to get that lust out of my system, but now as I try to look at this girl who I like and would like to pursue a relationship with I find myself further and further away.  Sure, there are days when we seem close, but I am unsure if it actually is a relationship she wants, if we are on the same page.  I have my doubts and plenty of insecurities.  Maybe I will have another drink… if only I could find a friend to join me.