Relationships

Life is full of relationships and the way we interact with those we have just met and those we have known a lifetime.  I write this now with a sort of apprehensive feeling, though maybe it is just the feeling of emptiness.  You see, as I spoke of earlier after retuning from the winter recess things just didn't return to the way they were.  My best friend from college and I didn't pick up from the same place we left off and something seems to have left my relationship between me and my girlfriend.  I am not even beginning to say that I do not want these relationships anymore; rather, I want them to return to the caliber that they were before the break and continue on strong for some time.  I care deeply for both as well as many others as this case is not solely isolated to these two people, they are merely examples.  

I can not help but feel that this emptiness stems from me and that I am doing something wrong.  I lay in bed for several minutes, perhaps even hours before drifting off into sleep as millions of thoughts cross my mind.  The main thought is my future: a career, a family, a life that seems impossible to obtain yet something that I must obtain soon.  Following this train of thought is everything that must be accomplished on the way to achieving this future I have envisioned, a future I believe God is calling me to, my perceived purpose in life.  

My thoughts have now become scattered and I don't know where to begin, such is my life.  I guess what I am trying to express is the fact that I care for so many people, care for them so much that I would sacrifice so much for them yet, I don't think they are aware of this.  I have this compassion swelling up inside of me, this love for these people who have touched my life in such a short period of time that I do not know what to do.  I have spent my whole life entering relationships that I could back out of easily because I made sure not to get too far emotionally invested and now that this has changed... well... it will take some getting used to.  Let's just hope this change is for the better.

Adaption

We are all constantly adapting to our surroundings as time passes.  From a bike to a car, a crib to a bed, a change is residence or new born sibling we make the best of what we are given.  Yet, there comes a time in one's life when we have control of what surroundings we want to adapt to.  There are several examples of this choice and one that I live with every day was my choice in school.  As a result I find myself adapting to a University situated near a busy city thousands of miles away from home.  I am adapting to an environment I had only previewed for two days at best.  While many would have called my decision rash, there was something inside of me that knew that where I am now was the place for me. 

 

One semester later I am still convinced that I have made the right choice, though I still adapt to changes every single day.  In fact, as I write this right now I feel empty inside.  There haven’t been many significant changes however, I returned home from the winter recess and have returned to my same friends, my wonderful girlfriend, and the same residence hall.  Yet, despite all of this something is missing.  I do not feel that any of us have changed but it has been something that has been on my mind.  Perhaps as the cold weather sweeps this part of the nation people are doomed to feel an empty cold bitterness, though that is probably the West Coast naivety that is within me.  No, I do not quite know what is missing yet but I hope I find it out soon.  Things never seemed to return to the way they were before the break, the routine I had come to know is now gone, and I find myself having to adapt once again. 

 

Is life all about adapting?  Will this cycle ever end?  At times I feel like I want this cycle to end but I know I would bore quickly.  Having experienced this feeling so much I fear that I may be doomed to wander the world in and out of people’s lives, never being able to settle.  Is it a life I look forward to?  That is a question I am asking myself.